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Beyond the Breakup: Understanding Your Ex-Boyfriend from The Male Perspective, by Andrew Aitken
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Written by a man with extensive experience on the topic, Beyond the Breakup explains how men think about breakups, their ex-girlfriend, and how they perceive her behavior in the wake of a relationship's end. It also explains the implications this has for girls who are going through a breakup: what will and won't have an emotional effect on him, how to maximize your chances of getting him back, how and when you should contact him, what you should (and shouldn't) say, how to deal with seeing him again, and much more. The list of the chapter titles below give a good overview of the content.
This book is not written for women with a weak spirit. It isn’t going to tell you how to mitigate the pain you feel in the wake of a breakup, and it isn’t going to tell you that everything is going to be fine. And while it will tell you how to maximize your chances of getting your ex back, it isn’t going to pretend that there are any ‘tricks’ to make that outcome likely. However, it will do something much more important: it will give you a strong insight into your ex’s state of mind and male psychology in general. This will give you the foundation you need to navigate the breakup and – more importantly – propel yourself into honest and successful relationships with the men in your future.
Chapter List:
Introduction
PART I – UNDERSTANDING WHAT HAPPENED
Men Don’t Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do
The Analogy Between Sex and Commitment
Why This Always Happens to You
Changing Your Perspective
Why You Didn’t See It Coming
Men Don’t Have “Commitment Problems”
The Difference Between Liking You and Liking You Enough
Why Men “Fade Out”
You Weren’t Dating Him in the First Place
The Small Things Didn’t Matter Anyway
Why Your Ex (Who Dumped You) Is Still Contacting You
Your Ex and Guilt
Your Ex and Pride
Your Ex and Decisiveness
Interpreting His Emotions
What’s Going Through His Mind
PART II – HOW TO HANDLE THE BREAKUP
The Importance of Silence after a Breakup
No, You Can’t Be “Just Friends”
How to Know If You Should Cut Him Off
Why It’s Never Too Late
Why You Should Tell Him That You Are Cutting Him Off
What to Say
Managing Your Expectations
When You Should Fight to Save Your Relationship
Exceptions to the Rule
How to Know If You Should Dump Him First
When He Cheats
The Anatomy of Missing Him
PART III – FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH THE BREAKUP
Making Him Jealous Doesn’t Work
Seeing Him at Work
Being Connected with Your Ex on Social Media
Returning His Things and Getting Yours Back
What to Do When He Contacts You
When He Says He Wants Another Chance
Reason and Distraction
Stop Sleeping with Your Ex to Prove He Likes You
PART IV – MOVING ON AND REBUILDING
You Are Responsible for Your Own Romantic Happiness
Stop Letting Him Waste Your Time
Know Why You Want Him Back
Why Getting Him Back Won’t Help
Why Getting Dumped Is a Good Thing
The Importance of Emotional Honesty
Dating Again
Putting the Breakup in Perspective
When You Can Contact Him Again
Reframing the Future
A Final Word
- Sales Rank: #499850 in Books
- Published on: 2015-04-21
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .46" w x 5.25" l, .47 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 200 pages
Most helpful customer reviews
16 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
Same blog topics in a book format
By Jaye
I was disappointed in this book. I've followed Andrew's blog for at least a year during which time I was in a long-term relationship. Now I am single and thought this book would provide some helpful insight on breakups. Andrew indicated that the book would include new material not covered on his blog. However, the book does in fact contain at least 40% of the same material that is included on his blog. The book chapters even have the same titles as some of his blog posts. Examples include: Stop letting him waste your time, You are responsible for your own romantic happiness, The importance of silence after a breakup, What to do when he contacts you, etc.
There are 46 chapters and each are 1-3 pages long. So the reader should expect that the author writes each chapter in the format of a blog post as opposed to providing in-depth insight into various facets/factors of abreakup. I also believe that the author's perspective is his own opinion and are generalizations at best. I appreciate his insight on some topics but I feel duped in purchasing his book since it is simply a regurgitation of his blog.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
He is excellent at presenting his readers with a healthy dose of ...
By sashimihorse
All women should read this book, ideally when they are young--18, maybe even 16.
I'm a longtime follower of Andrew's blog. His insight helped me understand that I was handling my own breakup appropriately by cutting contact and moving on, even though I was absolutely heartbroken. He is excellent at presenting his readers with a healthy dose of reality in an accessible way.
The book was hard to put down--it is impeccably written & organized, and the style is clear and concise. It contains all the information you need to stay strong and act with confidence and grace in the face of rejection, be it a minor disappointment early on in the dating process or the emotionally devastating loss of a longtime love.
This is an excellent handbook for navigating post-breakup relationship dynamics. I'm lending this to several friends, and I'll make sure that any future daughters of mine read it!
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Incredibly Useful
By Thatsafactkisskiss
I'm generally incredibly appreciative of RealTalk, and this book provides a valuable dose of it.
Andrew writes about what I think might actually be the male subconscious mind regarding relationships. A lot of men will deny the things he discusses to be true, but time and time again I see them acting out these patterns both in my own life, and in others. There's a good chance 10% of the material discussed in here is simply Andrew's anecdota only, but 90% at least is actionable fact which makes it a fantastic source.
I decided a little over two years ago that finding a life partner was urgent, and a task requiring much more effort than the blase it-will-happen-when-it's-the-right-time-attitude I was giving it. I read Andrew's blog posts as insight on how to navigate it. After reading this book I suggest you read his blog as well. I even recommend this book to those currently in relationships as I now suspect that 80% of my friends in my rather considerable network wouldn't be in their miserable relationships if they had some of the information herein.
Now for my turn at RealTalk. This book can be a huge hit to your self-esteem. It shouldn't be, but it's hard to read some of this and not draw unassailable conclusions on just how indifferent some men in your life have been towards you. I would even go so far to say it's upsetting so don't read if you think you are exceptionally delicate or down on dating. Make sure you have a clear head. Definitely DO read this at some point, but know that it's only uplifting in that "at least I know better now" way instead of that Hollywood-ending way.
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